Illegal Foreign Object

“I’m Still Standing” is the 1st Elton John song I ever remember hearing. Released in ’83 as the 2nd single off the Too Low For Zero album, it fueled a sort of comeback for Sir Elton in the U.S. If you dug on Top 40 radio back then, the song was inescapable.

I didn’t like it in ’83.

I still don’t care much for it, today (but will happily acknowledge its pop brilliance).

I ended up falling in love with Elton’s music about 15 years later after I bought a burned copy of Captain Fantastic And The Brown Dirt Cowboy from a kid at the Masaya Crafts Market during one of my many trips to Nicaragua around that time. Then I heard Honky Château — then Tumbleweed Connection — then Madman Across The Water (special thanks to Limewire for this one). Then I decided to give the entire Too Low For Zero album a try, just in case I was wrong about “Eighties Elton”. I don’t think I was, but giving the record a go led to me discovering “I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues”, a song that remains one of my favorites by Elton. I don’t queue up much of his stuff, but when I do, that song always makes the rotation. The chorus fills my heart with joy (and Stevie Wonder’s beautiful harmonica part at the end of the 2nd chorus is perfection).

Look, Too Low For Zero is very “Eighties”. It’s poppy, hooky, and has enough synth in it to cover an entire season of Miami Vince montage scenes — it dates the shit out of itself. That’s neither good nor bad — just the way it is. Oh, and speaking of the synths on the record, they were played by Elton, who hopped behind the synthesizer after the departure of James Newton Howard (who went on to massive success as a film score writer). Elton has said felt more comfortable writing many of the more up-tempo songs on synth rather than at the piano.

After Jump Up! and The Fox each suffered from poor sales and poorer tour attendance, Too Low For Zero was a welcome release, both for fans and Elton himself. It can be argued that the momentum from the record carried Elton through the rest of the Eighties as, after nailing down a sound, he was able to “reuse” it to great success on songs like “Sad Songs (Say So Much)”, “Nikita”, and “Sacrifice”, but that only tells a half-truth. All three of Elton’s big post-’83 singles were mid-tempo ballads and feel far more like precursors of his massive early-to-mid-’90s shlock than reminiscent of anything he did in the early-’80s). If anything, Too Low For Zero might have actually shown Elton the direction he didn’t want to go, despite it being his most complete record of the decade.

Track List:

1. Cold As Christmas (In The Middle Of The Year) 6/10
2. I’m Still Standing 6/10
3. Too Low For Zero 5/10
4. Religion 5/10
5. I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues 10/10
6. Crystal 5/10
7. Kiss The Bride 7/10
8. Whipping Boy 5/10
9. Saint 5/10
10. One More Arrow 6/10
11. Earn While You Learn* 7/10
12. Dreamboat* 8/10
13. The Retreat* 6/10

Grade: 62

* Bonus tracks included from the 1998 Mercury Records reissue because “Earn While You Learn” is funky as hell, “Dreamboat” sounds like something swamp boogie king Jerry Reed would have dropped, and the mighty Steve Lukather plays the guitar on “The Retreat”.