Illegal Foreign Object

In 1985, just shy of my 8th birthday, living, breathing venereal disease Mötley Crüe released the quadruple platinum-selling Theatre Of Pain. This album was my introduction to the band. As I got older, I learned how broken and horrible they could be as people, but way back when they were just “my band”. Though an admittedly disjointed album, smash singles “Home Sweet Home” and “Smokin’ In The Boys Room” ensured a sold-out world tour that sent the band further into the depths of depravity and despair (even as their fame and fortune continued ascension into the pop culture stratosphere).

During a time when soft rock like Mr. Mister and Night Ranger was owning the radio waves, The Crüe felt dangerous. They were, of course, due in no small part to the fact that they were drunken, drug-fueled lunatics hellbent on self-destruction. But for a kid looking for something with a little edge, the band members were walking switchblades.

A few years later, my dad and I opened a sports memorabilia and junk store. He wanted to teach me to run a business and figured selling stuff I loved would keep me attentive. One of the things I sold were LPs that I scored at garage sales. I’d pay a nickel to a dime a piece, then flip them for $1/each. One of my regulars was this heavily mulleted dude who worked for the city as an electrician. When he found out that I was a massive Crüehead, he brought me a TDK cassette tape copy of a bootleg he’d made of the band’s Reunion Arena show in Dallas ’85. A muddy, difficult listen, it remained my prized possession for years. I still have the cassette.

Decades later, though admittedly mired in heroin addiction and excess at the time of the recording, bassist and defacto band leader Nikki Sixx blamed producer Tom Werman for the sound and direction of the album. This is just one instance in a long line of Sixx blaming others for his and the band’s deficiencies. The producer, to his credit, defended himself, in effect saying that he showed up to make an album, not babysit a junkie. Twenty-three platinum and gold albums for production would seem to back up Werman’s abilities.

Regardless of the overall mediocrity of Theatre Of Pain, moments like “Louder Than Hell” and “Save Our Souls”, courtesy of riff monster Mick Mars, keep the album from the dustbin. When you consider bassist Nikki Sixx’s growing heroin addiction and that six months earlier, singer Vince Neil’s drunk driving killed one person, Hanoi Rocks’ drummer Razzle, and left two others with permanent brain damage (Neil served 19 days in jail for the manslaughter conviction), it’s a miracle the album ever came out.

Despite all the b.s. that accompanied Theatre Of Pain, I appreciate the world it opened up for me. Through this album, I soon discovered other bands that lit my fires and banged my head in much the same way as the Crüe — bands like Ratt, Dokken, Def Leppard, and Iron Maiden turned me into a lifelong metalhead.

Track List:

1. City Boys Blues 6/10
2. Smokin’ In The Boys Room 9/10
3. Louder Than Hell 9/10
4. Keep Your Eyes On The Money 6/10
5. Home Sweet Home 10/10
6. Tonight (We Need A Lover) 7/10
7. Use It Or Lose It 6/10
8. Save Our Souls 8/10
9. Raise Your Hands To Rock 3/10
10. Fight For Your Rights 6/10

Grade: 70